RE: PRODUCTION
When I was in high school, I really considered going on birth control but never did for fear of my parents finding out. I wasn’t even planning on having sex but, to be honest, I wasn’t even sure how EXACTLY women got pregnant, and when I started fooling around with my first boyfriend, I wasn’t about to take any chances. I never did go on birth control in high school. I did, however, trek myself down to the emergency room on numerous occasions, waiting in line for over 3 hours after school, to have an intake nurse convince me I wasn’t pregnant. “But I heard if it happens next to me, it can swim over and get me pregnant,” I remember saying on one of these occasions. “Look, if you’re having unprotected sex, then yes, statistics show that within one year of consistent unprotected sex chances are you’ll get pregnant, but if you’re not having sex, then please don’t come back; it’s a waste of everyone’s time, including your own.” I don’t understand how, at the age of 16, I still did not know who to trust when it came to non judgemental, clear cut answers on sex, and that was only the reproductive side of it.
13 years on, and i’m hanging out in my living room with an unnamed friend talking about birth control, and our fears surrounding this subject. She is currently taking it, and she says to me, “Sarah, I still have all those same fears about pregnancy even with birth control…and plan b and sometimes condoms. I mean, if you miss a dose, you know what the information package tells you to do? It says, ‘if you miss a dose, you may PREFER to wait 7 days before having sex.’ you may PREFER? What the Hell is that?! Why would I prefer that? It’s a fricken pill! Doesn’t it just work or not work? So then I make an emergency stop at the drug store, pick up Plan B, and insist that he also wears condoms; that is only if I don’t prefer to wait the 7 days; sometimes I do prefer it.
I, on the other hand, am not on birth control.
I was on it for a number of years, in a number of different ways. When I realized the pill was not working for me, i.e. : my emotions went hay wire or I missed a dose and – see above for details – my male doctor recommended the NuvaRing. “It’s much more effective, with less hormones, and you won’t have to worry about skipped doses.” For those of you who aren’t aware of what the NuvaRing is, here is a brief synopses (which is still more than I knew about it before I shoved it up my pussy) : it’s a clear, plastic ring that is supposed to sit in your cervix for 3 weeks and slowly release hormones to keep you from getting pregnant. Sounds great. Worked great for a while for me actually, until I had a mini freak out and felt like an alien sticking something up into my body that sits in a fridge first for months on end.
My boyfriend didn’t love it either; he said he could feel it up there during sex, not that that matters, he can deal, I mean come on, he’s still getting laid.
About 9 months after I decided to remove it permanently and have my boyfriend wear condoms (he’s never complained), I was flipping through insta, and came across a gal who had posted a ‘One Year Later’ picture with a description of how she had miraculously survived a brain clot. She claimed the clot was from the NuvaRing.
Me, being the uniformed asshole that I am, decided to personally message her and help guide her to ‘sexual reproductive enlightenment.’ Seriously a dick move. Don’t worry though, this story ends exactly how every yogi wants it to end, which is with karma tapping me on my shoulder and punching me in the face. I told her that she was wrong because every birth control pill/ hormone has risks of blood clots and that it is misinforming young women to believe that nuva ring has an increased risk based on anecdotal evidence. Turns out, the only person who was anecdotal was me. She wrote, and I quote, “I understand what you mean, but unfortunately, since I lived through this experience, I’ve done more research than you […] class action law suits like mine aren’t settled based on “anecdotal evidence,” as you say. I can also send you articles on studies that show nuva ring is six times more likely to cause venous thromboses (clots), than women who aren’t on birth control and twice as likely to develop clots on NR than other forms of birth control.” And of course, being the prideful self indulgent person I am, all I could think was, “Pah! She thinks I don’t know what a venous thromboses is!” JK, i felt like a fool. I felt like a fool for telling someone off while still only knowing what my male doctor had told me about the drug years ago, and even more foolish for picking a battle with another woman over reproductive rights, because, that’s really what this is all about. One of my other friends recently said to me during one of these routine conversations, “that’s why I have an IUD, so i don’t have to worry about any of that.”
Since the NuvaRing debacle a year ago, my opinion and understanding surrounding birth control and reproductive rights has changed drastically. I’ve dug deep to find answers to questions I only grazed over previously, and have also listened to many of my friends tell me about their own experiences and concerns with the choices they have to make surrounding birth control. I often wonder if men have these types of discussions with each other, and if so, what they sound like.
My boyfriend and I were talking about his female cat, who had a small litter of kittens not so long ago and I was asking him to please get them fixed because of the social irresponsibility of an unfixed cat. He said to me, “you’re right and thank God it’ll only be the one cat.” “But there’s three cats” I responded. He said, “yeah, but only miss kitty is a female, so even if the other two male kittens mess around, it’s not on me.”
This really irked me, and not just for the obvious reasons. It also made me realize, that on some level, this may be how society views reproductivity and women. Why is it that women have to have IUDs and birth control? Are you seriously telling me that in a technological age where Tupac Shakir can put on concerts from the after life, we still have not figured out a male equivalent to an IUD? Or is it that there is no need for it because women bare the responsibility?
I’m not knocking IUDs, birth control pills, or Plan B (lord knows i’ve taken enough of it), but I am questioning why I never thought to ask any of my boyfriends to wrap his dink. Even though condoms have the same protection against pregnancy, have none of the side effects of birth control, and also protect against STDs, I’ve never asked any of my sexual partners, aside from the most current, to put one on. Afraid I’d come off prudish or ‘ruin’ his pleasure sensing ability, I always opted to put things into my body instead of asking him to wrap the outside of his. After all, what is sexy about that? ‘Oh, yeah baby, just like that…slide it all the way down and pop that air bubble.’
And now, at the ripe old age of 29, I have to ask myself; why? And also, am I the only one? In light of Janelle Monae’s most recent video, I’m biased to think I’m not alone. If there are other curious creatures out there who are wandering along the same misguided path I have been on, please speak up. After all, the future is PYNK and we got the PYNK.
written by sarah
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